


That Carnival

by CLeighWrites



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Erections, Feelings Realization, First Dates, Flashbacks, Hand Jobs, Incestual Feelings, M/M, Sam is 16, Sibling Incest, mentions of circle jerks, sugar brother!Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-07 21:47:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17373863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CLeighWrites/pseuds/CLeighWrites
Summary: Sam remembers a time when Dean tried to cheer him up after a fight with their dad by taking him out for a night of whatever he wanted to do.





	That Carnival

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for April’s @wincestwritingchallenge (Tumblr) which was relationship milestones; mine was first date.

Even after all these years Sam could remember the first time they went on a date. After everything they’ve been through, after all the times they’d died and come back. The memory of the first time his big brother had taken him out and made him feel more loved than he ever had before was one that he would cling to forever.

****

They had been holed up in some podunk town in North Carolina, Sam had been sixteen (and a half) and things with his dad were getting worse and worse. The constant fighting and moving and hunting were too much. Sam had just wanted to go to school and learn everything that he could; not that he didn’t also enjoy reading all the lore books from his Uncle Bobby, but while other kids at school got to go to football games and dances, Sam, his big brother Dean, and his dad hunted and killed monsters. While most kids got a car, even a hand-me-down one, when they turned sixteen, Sam got an ivory handled handgun. It wasn’t as pretty as Dean’s, with all the filigree, but it did have the real ivory handle on it, so that was something.

Sam had always felt like a burden to everyone. Dad couldn’t even stand to be in the same room as him half the time, leaving Dean to pick up the slack, and basically raise him. Dean had especially made Sam feel like he was more trouble than he was worth. Not that Dean would have ever complained about having to take care of him, which hadn’t really been an issue in years, but he felt like Dean could have gotten away, and had a better, normal, life if it hadn’t of been for him having to take care of his pain in the ass little brother.

Their dad had left for a hunt after a particularly brutal fight with Sam about leaving the hunting world and just settling down somewhere. Their dad, obviously, had been against the idea, while Sam had practically been desperate for it. The fight had left Sam feeling more dejected than normal, and even Dean’s improvised cuisine couldn’t bring Sam out of his funk.

The third day after their dad had left, Dean came home shortly after Sam had gotten home from school with a shit-eating grin on his face. Sam chalked it up to a successful trip to the local bar where he had gotten into whatever barfly caught his eye. He had ignored the irrational jealousy that always clawed at him when he would think of his brother fucking some random girl; then he ignored the hard on he got when he had pictured his brother fucking some random girl.

Sam had always told himself that growing up the way they did, not really having any other guy friends to do guy stuff with, that it was natural that they would see and hear things. He’d heard guys at school whisper about circle jerks, and how it was different when it was someone else’s hand on your dick. When he had asked Dean about it, because he was definitely not going to ask his dad, Dean’s face got all flushed and he didn’t say anything for a while. Sam had thought for sure that he had fucked up, done something wrong, but then Dean said that if he really wanted to know, that he would show him.

They never did anything like that when their dad was in town, only when he was going to be gone for a while, but Sam never thought about how it could be wrong. Other guys did it, what would the difference be if him and Dean did it too; other than the fact that they were brothers. Still, it was never something either of them talked about, and after a while Dean had said that they needed to stop, because he was getting too old to be playing around like that. Sam hadn’t realized how much he had gotten used to rolling over in the mornings and reaching for Dean’s morning wood, or waking up with Dean’s hand around his.

That day was different though, Dean had been a little more attentive to Sam, more gentle. He figured it was just because of the fight with their dad, but when Dean slapped down a thick stack of twenties on the table, Sam’s head jerked up to look at his brother’s face. To say that he looked proud would have been an understatement, he was glowing with excitement.

“Grab your coat Sammy, we’re going out!” He had slapped his hands together and made a grand gesture, like the world was their oyster.

Sam just sat there dumbfounded for a second, his eyebrows knit together. He looked from the money, to Dean, then back to the money again and again.

“Well, come on little brother, get the lead out. What’s the hold up?” He was still beaming, but he was starting to lose his enthusiasm.

“Nothing, I just- Dean, where did you get all that money?”

“I’ve got skills Sammy,” Dean gave him a look, but he couldn’t quite decipher it.

“...skills…” Sam didn’t even want to know what kind of skills.

“Look, I sharked some yuppies at the pool hall in the next town over. It was probably fresh out of their trust funds. I earned it, fair and square.”

Feeling a little better about it, Sam had smiled, “Where are we going?”

“Wherever you want Sammy. Tonight’s your night. You wanna go to the strip club, put-putting, there’s a few movies out; a new Bond movie, some Sleepy Hollow remake, Schwarzenegger is out with a new one about the End of Days or something. Whatever you wanna do.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“What? I can’t go celebrate my big win with my annoying little brother?” He crossed his arms, but had that obnoxiously attractive smirk on his face, how could Sam ever resist him?

After having fake thought it over, Sam agreed. Since neither one of them had eaten, the first place Sam picked was a restaurant their dad would have never taken them to. That place had cloth napkins, and maybe even real Silverware. They had given Dean a look when he ordered a beer, but they had gotten good at making fake IDs; and Dean would actually be twenty-one in a couple of months anyways. They both ordered steaks, Dean’s with fries, and Sam’s with the steamed veggies which Dean had made fun of him for. Dean had Sam finish off his first beer when he’d ordered his second, which Sam was more than happy to do. The beer helped slow his brain down and let him actually relax a little, it was really nice.

Once they were stuffed and Sam had had the last half of Dean’s second beer, and was starting to feel a slight buzz, they paid their bill. Sam had never seen a check for food that high, but Dean didn’t even flinch as he pulled out a few bills and winked at the waitress when he told her to keep the change. She had given him what Sam referred to as “the eyes,” but Dean just smiled at her and shook his head as she walked away.

“What, not your type?”

“Not tonight Sammy,” Sam had gotten butterflies in his stomach the way Dean had looked at him then, but he just figured it was the beer mixing funny with the veggies. “Where to now little brother?”

Sam had thought for a minute as they walked to the door. He really had no idea. He tried to think of places he'd heard kids at school talking about, but none of them sounded like something Dean would be interested in.

“I don't know. You wanna just walk?”

“Sure Sammy, whatever you want.”

Sam smiled as they turned to walk down the street. In the distance they could hear a crowd, and when they rounded the corner they were met with the blinding lights of a carnival set up down the road.

Sam had beamed at his brother, “Can we go Dean?” It had been impossible to conceal his delight.

The only time they had ever done anything remotely close to a carnival was while working on a case, and their dad hadn't let them ride the rides or get any of the food that had smelled so good.

“Of course Sammy. We'll ride the rides, eat all the food, and ride the rides again until we puke!”

Sam had to control himself not to run down the street. There was a fairly long line to get in, and by the time the guy gave them their wristbands Sam was practically jumping up and down.

“Alright Tiger, where to first?”

Sam looked around and saw that just about everyone had sheets of tickets, “I guess we need to get tickets, then we can do one of the rides?”

“Alright,” Dean handed him a twenty and motioned to a food truck, “why don't you get us a drink and maybe a funnel cake while I go get us some tickets.”

Sam had happily grabbed the money and went to stand in line. He had gotten them a large drink to split and had ordered the funnel cake with chocolate sauce on it. If this was going to be his only time doing this, he wanted to make sure they did it right.

From the picnic table he had snagged a seat at, he waived at Dean when he stepped away from the ticket booth. He walked up with a wicked grin on his face.

“What did you do?”

“Oh nothing, just got us both unlimited passes!” He held out two different colored wristbands that he assumed would get them on to any ride as many times as they wanted.

“Sweet!” He held his hand out for his brother to strap the band on.

He ignored the knot in his stomach as Dean's fingers traced the sensitive skin on the underside of his wrist, he had probably just been making sure the band wouldn't come off. He couldn't help the feeling he got that Dean seemed to be trying so hard to make Sam happy. Like he was actually trying, instead of just doing like he normally did.

They scarfed down the funnel cake, both of them laughing at the other with powdered sugar all over their faces and fingers. Dean had used his finger to swipe at a spot on Sam’s cheek that he couldn't reach with his tongue, and Sam had blushed so hard he thought for sure his ears would catch fire. Sam had tried not to focus on the curve of Dean's lips as he sucked the sugar off of his fingers, but it was sinful the way his eyes would close and his lips would cling to his skin.

Any odd thoughts Sam had been having were quickly forgotten when they finished their dessert and went to stand in line at their first ride. Dean hadn't been joking when he said they would ride all the rides; they did, twice.

Sam remembered the Ferris Wheel being particularly strange, but looking back at it, it wasn't strange at all. They had gotten stuck almost to the top as they unloaded people, and Sam had been looking out over the town. When he turned back to see if Dean was looking too he almost ran right into his face, he had been sitting so close. Dean had leaned away just in time to avoid a bloody nose, laughing. He put his arm around Sammy and leaned in, looking over his shoulder at the same view.

Sam had shivered, but not from the cold, and Dean had held him a little tighter. His pulse was through the roof and he got the almost irresistible urge to turn his face and kiss him. Dean was radiating heat and soon Sam was too hot, when he shifted uncomfortably, quicker than Sam could notice, Dean was across the bench seat looking out the other side of the pod. Sam had scooted closer but stopped when the pod jerked as the unloaded another couple of people, Dean stiffened.

Dean had gotten each of them a giant turkey leg and another drink to split for the walk back to the motel. Sam told Dean how much fun he had had between mouthfuls of turkey, and they would pass the drink back and forth between them, but Dean had stayed silent for the most part.

Sam thought that he had done something wrong, so when they got back to their room he had spoken up, “Did I do something? Did you not have a good time?”

“No Sammy! Why would you even think that?”

“You've just been so quiet, I thought maybe you had gotten bored or something. We didn't have to stay longer, if you didn't-”

“Come on, man. No, I had a great time. You didn't do anything.”

Sam started getting changed for bed and let his mind wander back over their night out; he remembered how close they had been on the Ferris Wheel, how hot Dean's arm had been around him and he turned away from Dean quickly as he started getting hard. Then he got an idea.

“Hey Dean?” Sam had thought about Dean's hand wrapped around him and watched as his shorts became tented.

“Hmm?”

When he turned around Dean was sprawled out on their bed and turned his head to face him. His eyes traveled down Sam’s body and he shifted his hips when his eyes landed on Sam’s obvious erection.

“Can I still get to pick something else for us to do?”

“Sammy...” his tone of voice was filled with both warning and desire.

“We used to help each other out all the time, it's been a while...I thought that maybe...”

“Christ Sammy, a good dinner and a few carnival rides and you're good to go, huh? Talk about an easy date.”

Sam blushed furiously at that and walked over to stand beside the bed. Dean didn't budge, but also didn't take his eyes off of him.

“Is that,” he took a deep, settling breath, “is that what tonight was?”

Dean was silent for, what felt like 10 minutes, before he cleared his throat, “I was just trying to cheer up my little brother.”

Sam's face had fallen and he had started to back away, feeling rejected and humiliated, “Gotcha, I'm just- I'm gonna hop in the shower.”

Before Sam had turned fully away, Dean's hand was wrapped around his arm. Spinning him to be face to face with him, kneeling on the bed, Dean just looked him in the eye, silently pleading. He had seemed to be fighting with himself, and before Sam could open his mouth to ask what he wanted, Dean's lips were on his.

Sam gasped at the unexpected gesture but opened his mouth instantly to his big brother’s.

****

Neither of them would know until later, much later, that they had both had their eyes squeezed shut so tight they were seeing stars.

“Whatcha grinning at over there little brother?” Dean's much older, whiskey-graveled voice pulled Sam from his revere.

He laughed to himself at Dean's timing, “Nothing, just that carnival in North Carolina.”

“Right, that carnival...” Dean wiggled his eyebrows.

“Yes Dean, that carnival. It was my first one.”

“And not the only one that night, if I recall. You really were such an easy date, bitch.”

“And you weren't such a jerk.”

Dean came over and put his hands on Sam's shoulders and kissed the top of his head, and Sam pressed his back into Dean's chest. They breathed like that for a moment, both remembering that night with fondness and a sort of bittersweet longing. There had been so much that’d changed since that night, yet it still felt like everything was the same.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Don't be shy, let me know what you think!


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